Some 3rd path shifts, “learning retreat” and Reading about mahamudra teachings.
Back to KL this week.
Spent a week plus in SP, was not able to visit grandma as covid rules but read alot. Mainly ATR blog, ATR e-book, made notes, and also Dakpo Tashi book on Clarifying mind’s nature. Bloody excellent stuff. I was so engrossed that I read probably all day long 10–12 hours.
As I was wondering why did i not chance onto these material earlier, I realised even if I were to see them, I would not be able to grasp it as my mind is not matured yet. I needed a year of Vipassana to set the stage and seeing’s mind nature comes quite easily after, hence these material speaks so loud to me at this point and I am also so obsessed about it.
I listen to The diamond cutter on the way home, for 5 hours, it was a book talking about kamma in terms of mental wiring. I love it, I will makes notes soon when I have time.
I also listened to Progressive meditation on emptiness, which speaks more or less the same thing as ATR, from concept of One mind, no mind to anatta, subtle yet important shifts.
I am seeing mostly from an anatta perspective now, sounds and taste and smell are exquisitely aware of themselves since months ago, but vision only gradually gets rewired recently. I notice the slight flip/difference 2 days ago, so very subtle, but a shift nonetheless. I think the shift happens when i was in bed at home when I open my eyes in the morning, it seems like everything was slightly out of focus but I am not sure what happened. I will continue to work on this.
These past few weeks/months have been cycles of vast open space equanimity interspersed with disturbance every 2–3 weeks, in the job and relationships mainly. It feels as though each disturbance propels me into a small shift, vice versa. Every time a disturbance happens, I try to clean up my act as much as possible and don’t let it bleed into my life, as much as possible by isolating myself for a day to a week, but it’s not perfect, even at 3rd path, it’s not that easy, the mind is powerful and karmic propensities overwhelms one when it comes on strongly. However I am better at being with the disturbance now and not trying to change anything. There are still thoughts about how to make myself feel better though but I recognised it as part of the disturbance and it will go away soon.
The insight of It Will Go Away Soon is the biggest insight from these disturbances after having it so much. However during the disturbance, it’s hard or almost impossible to imagine how is it like to not have the disturbance. But trust and experience informs.
I am now doing about 4–5 hours of meditation a day, depending on my energy.
Mornings are devoted to ‘Dhamma time’ from 5am- 10am or 4am to 9pm when I sit a few times, look, contemplate and read. There are alot to read recently, I have uncovered a lot of books that I am very interested in reading.
Evening time will start with 30 min of Body energy practise be it yoga or something else, then I will start sitting one or two times and read abit before going to bed at 10pm. so my evening Dhamma time is from 5pm-10pm.
I allocate ten hours to Dhamma time a day and the rest is managing my worldly life from 10am to 5pm- 7 hour. They are mainly working, exercise and food, and really that is all I ever do in a day. I don’t know what to call it, semi-retreat?Nun life? It works for me and that’s all i know without being conceptual. :) ❤
I am happy though. I have never been as contented, happy, motivated, grateful in my life.
I hope you are well, too.
